it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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