We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
