dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
