I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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