And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
soo... how was my night?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
