I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i drank out of a bidet.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
