How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
