is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Actions speak louder than pants.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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