That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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