Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
