I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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