I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
