Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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