You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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