Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
