What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I looked at my own cervix.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
