i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
