is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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