how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
