happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
