I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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