hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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