that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
