you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
