and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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