I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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