he was CRYING into my vagina
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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