dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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