she was so not down for the gang bang
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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