She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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