Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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