ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
