just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
