look no pants
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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