apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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