Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
