fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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