so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
