Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
