dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
