so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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