I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
