Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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