my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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