my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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