he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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