I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
