Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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