We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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