My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
