I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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